apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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