Christians are straight up FREAKS
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My feet surprised me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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