im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
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