I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
