her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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