If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
