Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
