All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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