Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
