i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I understand Curling. That high.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
