i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
