I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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