Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I wish I only lived at night.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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