Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
