new low.... made out with someone while peeing
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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