tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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