We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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