Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
