some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
