ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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