Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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