it hurts more in the daytime
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
