Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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