this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
