Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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