Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
