Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
