I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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