problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
