Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
