OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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