The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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