i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
