Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
i think we sleep fucked last night...
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
