what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
