first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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