Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
