They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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