I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
how drunk are you?
Several
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
