I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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