Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
