I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
