am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I just googled if crying burns calories
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
