Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
