I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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