I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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