Do you still have your period?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
