he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
