Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Randomize
