i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
