It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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